Adam

 

Forever Friends

 

Adam made many “forever friends” early on in life.

 

Whenever anyone asked Adam how he and Ann met, he grinned and replied, “In the crib. … 
We actually played together as babies.”

 

I will never forget the day I became forever friends with Adam. We were in the first grade and it was show-and-tell day. As I stood before my classmates holding one of my dad’s work boots, I told them a story my mom had conceived for me.

 

I told my classmates the legendary lumberjack Paul Bunyan had stopped by our house for lunch, taken off his boots at our front door, and accidentally left them there. I shared a few tales of the classic big man, whose gigantic footprints supposedly created Minnesota’s 10,000 lakes and who plowed the Grand Canyon with his big blue ox, Babe.

 

My classmates’ eyes and mouths opened wide. I can’t believe it. Mom and I pulled it off, I thought to myself. Grinning ear to ear, I gathered my notes and Dad’s big boot. But before I could take my seat, one of my classmates stood up and called my bluff.

 

“That can’t be Paul Bunyan’s boot. My dad’s shoes are bigger than that,” said Adam, a giant among first graders. I was not pleased with this naysayer, but I was the smallest kid in the class, and he was the tallest. Realizing I couldn’t beat him, I joined him. That was 36 years ago.

 

It took decades for me to step back and see the beauty of my mom’s plan that show-and-tell day — a plan that made no sense to me at the time, but one I now see brought Adam into my life. … Yes, God called Adam home sooner than all of us hoped. But we need to remember that God’s plan, too, is both beautiful and mysterious, and that more of His infinite goodness will be revealed later.

 

Man For Others

 

One of the many reasons Adam had so many good friends is that he truly lead a life of putting others first. Whether it be helping friends and neighbors remodel their homes, keeping folks’ computers and networks state-of-the art, or coaching several Cleveland-area volleyball teams, Adam truly was a man for others. 

 

I remember when we were 12, he had three businesses: snow shoveling, fence building and painting. He even charged some folks, but usually nowhere near the going rates, and even then he shared most of the harvest with family and friends.

 

I shoveled driveways with him. You know that annoying trail of snow dust that flows off the edge of the shovel? That was my job. I followed the Big Guy and cleaned up his snow scraps. When he charged folks for shoveling, he always split the money 50/50 with me.

 

Come summertime, I was just as much help to my Big Buddy. We were painting a neighbor’s house, but I decided to paint the driveway instead. I spilled an entire gallon of white paint all over the black asphalt driveway — and this was in the first 15 minutes of being on the job.

 

Adam showed no signs disappointment and quietly helped me clean up. He then, however, promoted me to scrape paint chips off the back of the garage. After lunch, when he surveyed my lack of progress, he promoted me once again.

 

Adam made me the Master Ladder Holder. I spent the next three days looking up at his behind, watching him do all of the work, and occasionally praying that he not fall … onto me. I felt a little guilty taking my 50 percent on that job, but somehow summoned the courage to take it.

 

Two decades later, when I wanted to start my own business, and he opened the doors of his business to house mine. After 15 months of Adam refusing to accept a dime for rent, I thanked him for helping nurture my business to the point where it now could stand alone. It was both a happy and sad day.

 

He said, “Don’t go.” I said, “You know I have to.” We didn’t want to part ways but we knew it was for the best and we would see each other again — kind of like this “see ya later” we’re all experiencing today.

 

Heart of Gold

 

When given six to 12 months to live, what’s a 42-year-old father of six, and husband of 20 years, to do?

 

I don’t know how I would respond. But I know how Adam did, and I hope and pray that I never forget everything he taught us about living, and dying, the past 10 months.

 

Yes, early on his battle, Adam dealt with the typical “Why Me’s?” How could he not? He had way too much to live for.

 

While he, and we, always held hope for a miracle, there was a crystal clear point of acceptance by Adam that a bigger miracle — God calling him home — might be in the works.

 

In one miraculous moment, God gave Adam the grace of a lifetime. Adam asked me to schedule reconciliation with Father Welsh down at St. Ignatius, and his soul was purified the day he received that sacrament.

 

I saw it in his face when he came out of confession. He was clearly 41 years lighter, and uttered these words to me, “I can’t thank you enough.” I said, “Thank God, not me.”

 

Adam’s example reminds all of us just how close we are to the gift of grace, if we would only receive it as he did. I remember calling St. Ignatius to try and schedule Adam’s reconciliation appointment. Father Welsh kindly called me back and said, “Marty Whitford … I must say it’s not too often we receive a call from someone trying to schedule another’s confession. I understand the circumstances, though, and would be happy to oblige. I do feel compelled, however, to say I know you Marty, and I believe you could use 10 or 15 minutes with me as well.” “Yes, I most certainly could,” I replied.

 

Adam had been graced with such a deep peace after receiving God’s forgiveness, that shortly afterward he said, smiling, “God must have construction or IT needs in heaven.” I believe Adam was right. I think Adam might be helping build an addition in heaven to accommodate the community of followers who have helped Adam and the Gaspars the past year, and who will continue to do so for decades.

 

Making Every Day Count

 

A few weeks after Adam received this peace of a lifetime, he, Ann and I saw the movie Bucket List. In the movie, two men dying of brain cancer create their last wish lists and commit to making the most of every day they have, living one day at a time.

 

Adam, Ann and I made Bucket Lists after seeing that movie. Item No. 1 on Adam’s list: Renew his marriage vows to Ann on their 20th anniversary. On March 7, the Gaspars braved a blizzard, drove down to St. Ignatius’ St. Mary’s Chapel, and rededicated their lives to each other and their six blessings from above.

 

Not long after that, I asked Adam what was the most important thing in the world to him. “Ann and the kids,” he replied without hesitation, his gentle blue eyes filled with an ocean of tears. I then asked when he felt he was closest to Ann and the kids. He responded, again without hesitation, “NOW. We have never been closer.”

 

What a tremendous gift, we both remarked.

 

Adam’s Bucket List was built on getting even closer to God and family. … Spending more 1-on-1 time with Nick. … Seeing Monika graduate from Magnificat and begin the next leg of her journey at John Carroll. … Being there when their twins, Gabi and Juli, made their confirmation as well as the day they graduated from St. Angela’s. … Hearing Gabi sing the national anthem in Columbus at a volleyball tournament, and Juli sing and strum her dad goodbye. … Seeing several of Emily’s volleyball games, seeing Adam Jr. turn 11 and watching his first football game of the year. … Celebrating his 42nd birthday in May, Ann’s birthday four months later, and spending a week in Mexico with the Gaspar gang inbetween.

 

Every Saturday that Adam could make the trip, we celebrated the gift of the past week over lunch at Li Wah’s, a Chinese restaurant Adam loved. And every few weeks, we updated our Bucket List notebook, thanking God for the time and strength he granted Adam to accomplish a few of his key goals, while praying for guidance before adding a few more life “to do’s.”

 

Over the past 10 months, Adam accepted a series of progressive surrenders, and he adjusted his Bucket List accordingly. For instance, in his last month he shared a beer with friends, noting it tasted the same through a straw.

 

In God’s Care

 

Even in September, when he spent most of his days confined to his hospital bed in the family room, he recognized and gave thanks for the gift of being in the center of the house, at the center of the family.  

 

Through it all, God was ever present — helping carry Adam, Ann and the kids. I will never forget early on in this journey one such moment where God clearly revealed his love for this family and demonstrated how much he cares for them.

 

I had had been praying throughout each day for guidance on how to help the Gaspars. Help them prepare was the message I kept receiving. I knew there were physical preparations that needed to be made, as well as preparations of the heart, mind and soul. I knew this because of both prayer and Christian example: My mom showed me the prep work 21 years earlier when she — like Ann so lovingly and expertly has done the past year — served as the primary caregiver for my beloved uncle and godfather who lived with us and was dying of cancer.

 

Late in December, I asked Ann if it would be OK if I got a shower seat and handheld nozzle for their downstairs bathroom — like the ones my mom had in place for my uncle. Ann said “sure.” After putting them in the bathroom and looking around it, I heard a gentle whisper in my heart … Shower door …

 

I immediately turned my attention to the glass shower door that Adam had installed when he remodeled the bathroom. But being a little slow some times, my thoughts quickly turned to, “Man is that sharp-looking! He did a bang-up job remodeling this bathroom.”

 

Later that night, while praying bedside on my knees, I heard the gentle whisper in my heart again … Shower door … But my afterthoughts were diverted again … This time to, “Hmmm …I need to get one of those sharp-looking shower doors for OUR upstairs bathroom. Our shower curtain is no comparison.”

 

The next morning, while I was in the Gaspars’ downstairs bathroom, God spoke to my heart a third time — only this time it was NO whisper, and there was a third word … SHOWER DOOR … SAFETY.

 

I immediately asked Ann if she would be open, if it was possible, to temporarily replacing the shower door with a curtain. She said, “sure,” I called a handy friend of mine who lives a block from the Gaspars, and he made the change-out that day.

 

The very next day, while Ann was helping shower Adam — whose right side was very weak due to the tumors  — the couple fell through the shower curtain and hit the bathroom floor hard and were badly bruised. I shudder to think what could have happened had GOD not removed that glass shower door. I knew then, in my heart, that God was watching out for Adam, Ann and the kids, in ways we never could. …

 

A few months after God lovingly whispered three times for me to remove the Gaspar’s shower door, he whispered to me again. When praying for ways to lift Adam’s spirit, a gentle “Call Sam” crossed my mind one day. Like the first two “shower door” whispers from God, I blew this first “Call Sam” off, thinking the only Sam I knew was from the Navy 20 years ago, and we had long lost touch.

 
Then about a week later, God whispered again, with a little more guidance for Doubting Marty … “Call Sam — Check your cell phone.” Sure enough, there was one Sam listed in my cell phone, but it would take one more beckoning from God for me to call this Sam. The Sam listed in my cell phone directory was Sam Rutigliano, former head coach of the Cleveland Browns.


I prayed for another week on it because I hadn’t spoken to Sam in seven years, back when I was writing a story on the Browns. I wanted to be sure I had a pure motive … That calling Sam wasn’t a crazy idea because it sure seemed like one at the time.

 

One day at work, out of the blue, I received an overwhelming “Call Sam NOW” occupying my mind and heart. And so I did finally listen again to God’s calling.

 

Following God’s request to “Call Sam” was no more crazy than his “shower door — safety!” message a few months earlier. As it turns out, the Rutiglianos’ son, Paul, was battling a brain tumor, too. I was awestruck once again by God’s mysterious, beautiful plan.     

 

God has been ever-present, ever-watchful and ever-loving, throughout this entire journey with the Gaspars.

 

On the morning of Sept. 30, Adam went home to God. I believe before Adam left, God granted him one last wish. God gave Adam the strength to hold on until their children could return from school.

 

Encircled by Ann, their six kids and his parents, all praying over him and sharing how much they and God love him, Adam went to the light.

 

The last day Adam spoke, I said, “I love you” to the Big Guy. He said “I love you, too,” clear and strong. Then I asked my forever friend, with tears streaming down, “Who’s the best dad and husband in the world?” In Adam fashion, he paused, thought and responded, “You.” … I said, “Wrong answer, buddy. I’m only going to ask you this one more time. …” And he smiled and answered, “OK … I am.”

 

Yes you are, Adam. You are the best dad, the best husband, and the very best friend in the world, forever and ever.

 

We also know in our hearts and souls, Adam, that you are at complete peace now. You sit at the right hand of Our Father, ever the Guardian Angel for your loving wife and beloved six children, as they continue their work here so well begun.

 

For decades, we’ve called your wife Saint Ann. While she still shies away from any-such remark, everyone but her knows she’s certainly not far off the mark, especially these days. Undoubtedly, she will be reunited with you one glorious day.

 

The love and personal care Ann showered on you from last Thanksgiving through this September 30th was an absolute embodiment of the unbreakable, unconditional love of Jesus Christ.

 

We know you must be grinning from above, from ear-to-ear, as you watch Ann every day continue to do the same for your six blessings from above.

 

Know now and forever that they all will be taken care of … by God’s undying light and love, and through the good works of His followers.   

 

Family First: A Letter From Dad — Compliments of Adam’s Bucket List

 

Hi guys,

 

I’m here with you in spirit, closer than ever to both my loved ones and God. I know this must be difficult, but please know that I am here — here for all of you, always, until the end of time.

 

Please know today, and always remember, Family First. We all get caught up in our own thing from time to time, but we must revert back to True North: Family First. What makes us such a great family is we have each other’s best interests in mind, and we’re committed to being here for each other in good times and bad —no matter what. 

 

Please know that each one of you, and all of you together, were, are and always will be my whole life, my whole love. I’m so very proud of each of you.

 

Stay close to family and God, and follow your heart. You will find your actions naturally match your intentions more closely.    

 

What incredible men and women you are all growing into. I will take great pleasure watching from above, guiding each of your lives every day, helping in ways I never could before.

 

What incredible memories we’ve made. I will forever treasure them. Remember the good times. But don’t stop with those good memories. Keep making more. Nothing will please me more than seeing each of you live to your fullest potential.

 

I take a piece of each of you with me. But please let the piece I leave you be bigger than the one I take. I love all of you more than words could ever express.

 

I will never, ever forget you. You will be in my heart always, as I will always be in yours.
Our love is forever. Our love is eternal.

 

Luv you guys,

See ya later … Dad